The Pantaloon : Citizens Not So United : Brother Wagwit

The Pantaloon
Edited by Brother Wagwit
Earlyish in the 21st Century

Citizens Not So United

Dear, dear Mitch…life was so simple back in the day, the good old days, say 2010, when Citizens United vs Federal Election Commission (558 U.S. 310), was won to uphold the free speech rights of corporations and unions, allowing them to make direct campaign contributions in federal elections.

I’m sure you remember those times fondly, when the impeccable clarity of the correlation between special interests, money, free speech and politics was so simple a proposition and so hard to quibble with. It was always there in the First Amendment, and any other amendments you’d care to explicate with the right kind of money at hand.

If only that particular clarity had withstood the test of time, oh dear… Simplicity has transformed into simple-mindedness and clarity into single-mindedness. People today have a hard time understanding the fundamental values endorsed by such a landmark legislation. And it’s not just the people, mind you, The Corporations, yes The Corporations!… good lord… they too are lost in misunderstanding. You and your majorities have enjoyed years of bounteous corporate free speech coming your way and now the free speechifying is going the other way.

We have finally come to a point where appropriate legislation is in place to prevent election fraud (a huge fraud just a few months ago, right Mitch?), and everyone, The Corporations too, are uniting against it. They have all lost their moral compass, oh dear… It must be a terrible feeling Mitch. All these years receiving such generous free speech that was previously unobtainable –if not illegal; filling up the coffers, making plans far into the future, and now… oh dear… the free speech fund spigot could turn off anytime.

You have spent so much time and effort making sure you and your chums would be well provided for life, prioritizing the interests of underrepresented voters… the wealthier ones… oh dear… there used to be so few of them and so many of the other kind… the poorer ones. We had only recently achieved social parity (more poor yes but also more rich), and now all that is starting to crumble.

It seems like only yesterday when your clamorous mission in life was to deny a second term for the then sitting president; you worked so hard at that too. And it seems like just a few hours ago that your wife was rolling in, and doling out the hay, at her Transportation Department ditty; a little attaboy gifty from the Idiot In Chief you so hated but later learned to love, and then conveniently hated again.

Tsk, tsk… oh dear… oh Mitch, so many previously not so united citizens all united now… be careful Mitch, don’t bite the hand that feeds you Mitch, and don’t bark at it either. Masters put their pets to sleep for unwelcome barks and bites. For a lot less too.

Because of your age and diminished vision it’s probably hard to see the expiration date on your well-tailored self. But that doesn’t mean others can’t see it and call it in. Keep in mind Mitch, there’s easy money, fast money, smart money, dumb money, etc. But there is no blind money. It’s not that the free speech money will be out to get you Mitch, you’re not worth the hit. It’s that there will be no free speech moolah for you to get. With all kinds of citizens united against you, you would not be as united with the free speech generosity as you’d like. Oh Mitch… oh dear… what would you do then you poor dear?…

United we bait, wait, and switch.